When I started my freshman year at Rutgers, I had absolutely no intention of attending any type of fellowship, nonetheless, a Korean Christian fellowship. This had partially to do with my past experiences, where the feelings of insecurity amongst my old youth group led me to avoid anything of "that sort"....

To me, not attending church or fellowship didn't mean that I had lost faith in God ... it was more like the feelings of obligation in doing something that I was supposed to enjoy. I wanted to be able to worship God without feeling guilty for not being as devoted as my friends, but I couldn't, so I walked away from them, and from Him. One night after class, some of my friends invited me to attend fellowship with them, but I declined, using the excuse that I wasn't Korean. Even after they told me that I could still go even if I wasn't Korean, it didn't change my mind. I didn't want to admit the real reasons for not going, because to others it might've seemed petty and childish. I didn't realize how much I'd be missing out on during the first semester.
During winter break, I had to deal with some unexpected changes in my life. There were many times I had to face reality and learn to deal with it on my own. I found a lot of things I had come to know and believe throughout my eighteen years, were pretty much crumbling to bits right before my very eyes. I had to see the bigger picture for once and accept it for what it was. At this time, I truly felt lost and uncertain of what to do, but there was one thing I knew for sure, that I had to find something to grasp a hold of. And what I found again was God Himself. I don't know how long it took me to realize that He was the answer to pretty much everything. I needed something that would be my strength and support, a foundation that would remain forever unchanged, and I found that in Him.
Spring semester started and I began to attend KCF. Why did I choose KCF instead of another fellowship? Personally, I hate going somewhere without knowing at least one person and since most of my friends were Korean, I followed them. It sounds kind of dumb, I mean I sound like I don't have a mind of my own, but I don't regret my decision to follow them. The first night reminded me of youth group, pretty much like the first time I accepted Christ five years ago, but I think it was mostly Pastor John's sermon that drew me in. I have to admit that during Sunday church, sermon was always kind of boring because I felt like the pastor was just reciting from the Bible and it didn't interest me at all. Plus, having the sermon being translated in three different languages (Mandarin, Cantonese and English for those who are curious), was kind of time consuming and tiring. Honest to truth? I felt like Pastor John was speaking my lingo. I have a pretty short attention span and my mind tends to get distracted easily. What I love about sermon at KCF is that Pastor John really tries to grasp our attention and to connect with us, to make sure we really understand the words of God. No matter how tired I am, I always leave fellowship feeling like I learned something new, another goal that needs to be reached in order to truly please the Lord.
Despite the fact that fellowship was predominantly Korean, it didn't discourage me from continuing to attend. I mean seriously, I'm Asian and you know what they say about all Asians looking alike. I don't really believe that my being non-Korean bothered me much until mid-semester. I just began to feel really self conscious. I didn't stop going to KCF, but I always felt like I had this big "Korean-Wanna be" stamped on my forehead for everyone to see. Its fellowship and we are all there to praise God, but I was still paranoid that anyone I met would probably wonder why I was at a Korean fellowship instead of the Chinese one. And pretty much, the only thing I could think of was that they probably thought I wanted to just tag along with a bunch of Koreans. Even if my intention of attending fellowship was pretty much to learn more about God, sometimes you just can't help but let those petty possibilities of what others think cross your mind. Sometimes I still feel that way when I meet new people within the fellowship. It's automatically assumed that I'm Korean and when I finally correct them, I get a little self conscious because I'm afraid that the other person might feel that I had deceived them by allowing them to believe I was Korean. The fall semester is almost over and at this point, I don't really care that much about what could be running through people's minds. I just know that it doesn't matter anyway because all Christians are considered fellow brothers and sisters are we not? No matter the race or ethnicity or the differences in how we chose to worship, we all share one thing in common, our hunger and love for God.
I think outside of KCF, every single one of us are different. We don't interact with every single person that attends KCF; we all have our own groups. Outside of KCF, we're scattered around. But during praise at KCF, I feel like it's the one time we are all truly one body of Christ. Together we glorify God's grace and encourage one another as we pour out our hearts and souls for Him and only Him. This is what makes KCF so worth it, even after a long day of classes, even after traveling across one campus to another and trust me, it can be a hassle when the buses from Busch to Douglass stop running after 10:30pm. However, it's all good. God is worth every single inconvenience we may stumble across.
To end this off, I want to mention one of the things I most treasure about fellowship: the KCF Douglass/Cook bible study. I don't believe that things would be the same if I didn't have this group of girls to go to. For every insecurity I had, for every uncertainty and doubt that crossed my mind, the sisters in my bible study have unknowingly helped me along every step I've taken in finding my way back to God. They are amazing sisters, so open and accepting. They encourage me so much and it's a blessing to be able to share the experience of God's glory and spiritually grow with them. If it wasn't for them, I probably wouldn't have gone to KCF, as a matter of fact, I wouldn't have joined any fellowship. After having turned my back on Him for the short amount of time that I did, KCF for me, was like a stepping stone to getting back on the right path. It no longer matters to me, Korean or not, I've found a place of comfort and this is where I think I'll stay.

Tiffany Chan is a Douglass College 06' student. You can reach Tiffany through email. for any questions or comments.

Back to the top